So you agreed to write a recommendation letter. Now you're staring at a blank page wondering how to start. Been there. That time I wrote one for my assistant Sam? Took me three coffees and a minor existential crisis. Let's cut through the fluff. This isn't about fancy words. It's about making someone's application not get tossed in the "meh" pile.

I've written maybe sixty of these things – for students, employees, even my dentist when he applied for that teaching fellowship (weird story). Half of them probably helped. The other half? Learned from mistakes. We'll get into that.

What Actually Goes Into a Good Recommendation Letter

Forget the five-paragraph essay crap. Admissions officers and hiring managers skim these. Your job: make them pause. Here's what matters:

See the difference? Concrete beats vague every time. That intern who reorganized our supply closet? Mentioned her by name in a department meeting. She got the job because the hiring manager remembered that story when 50 other letters said "organized."

Your Step-by-Step Cheat Sheet

Don't start writing yet. Seriously. Grab coffee first.

Sitting Down to Write

Start with this weird trick: write like you're telling a colleague about them over lunch. Ditch the "It is my honor..." nonsense. Try:

Length? One page. Always. Unless it's for academia. Then maybe two. But if you're writing ten pages, you're either lying or need therapy.

The Structure That Never Fails

Here's how I organize mine:

Example from a real letter I wrote:

(She got the job. HR later told me they circulated that line.)

Landmines to Avoid

Wrote one for a grad school applicant years ago. Called him "pleasant." Rejected. Learned: damning with faint praise is real.

Special Cases That Trip People Up

Not all letters are created equal.

For Students vs. Professionals

Biggest difference? Students need potential; pros need proof. When my niece asked for a letter, I focused on how fast she learned CAD software for her robotics club. For my VP? I cited revenue numbers.

The Awkward Ask

When someone you barely know requests one? Say no. Politely. Template:

(Used this last month. They weren't mad.)

Digital Recommendations (LinkedIn)

Shorter! More punchy. Include:

• Talent Stack: "Jin codes in Python AND designs UI? Unicorn."
• One killer detail: "Fixed $40k billing error everyone missed."
• Call to action: "Hire her before her startup takes off."

FAQs: What People Secretly Wonder

Should I write it if I feel lukewarm?

No. Seriously. A mediocre letter can sink them. Better to decline. I did this for a former intern – told him he'd get stronger letters elsewhere. He thanked me later.

How honest is too honest?

If they showed up late constantly, say so... constructively: "Time management grew from challenge to strength; now runs our punctuality committee." Truthful but kind.

Can they write it themselves?

Ugh. Sometimes they ask. I insist on drafting it myself but request bullet points from them: "Remind me of that project where you saved the day." Gives me material without feeling icky.

How to decline politely?

"I'm swamped right now and wouldn't do you justice." Works every time. Add an alternative: "But I'd be happy to review your resume!"

When You're the One Requesting

Taught my nephew this script last year. He got all five requests accepted:

1. Ask in person if possible: "Got 10 minutes to chat about my application?"
2. Bring context: "Here's the program description and my old project you supervised."
3. Make it easy: "I drafted some bullet points if helpful – no pressure to use them!"
4. Deadline upfront: "Due next Friday – is that feasible?"
5. Follow up gently: "Checking if you need anything from me?"

His physics professor said it was the most professional ask he'd gotten. Kid got into MIT.

Timeline: Don't Wing This

Last-minute letters suck. For everyone.

My rule? If someone asks me with <48 hours notice, I say no. Unless it's my kid. Maybe.

Tools That Actually Help

Don't overcomplicate:

• Grammarly: Catches "teh" mistakes. Free version works.
• Template Banks: UNC Chapel Hill has great samples. But adapt heavily.
• Voice Recorder: Tell stories aloud first. Transcribe the good parts.

Tried fancy AI tools last year? Wasted hours editing robotic junk. Human voice wins.

Parting Reality Check

A recommendation letter won't fix a weak application. But a killer one can tip the scales. The best I ever wrote was for Carlos – described how he negotiated peace between feuding departments using pizza and spreadsheet gymnastics. Specific. Human. Memorable.

At its core? It's not about writing skills. It's about noticing people's magic and naming it. That's the real trick on how to write a letter of recommendation that matters.